Get a Girlfriend - 2: Positive

Stop escaping reality

Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes it seems like there are too many downs and not enough (or none at all) ups. When it gets really tough, some people prefer to escape reality. If you suffer from severe depression, seek professional help. If you think your problems are average and you should be able to do something yourself, read on. If you seem to "just" have a stream of bad luck and many lousy days, then get rid of anything that clouds your perspective - lets you escape reality. Stop relying on anything that:
  • dulls your pain momentarily
  • gives you an illusion of happiness
  • makes it easier for you to momentarily forget past painful events
  • helps you justify your bad decisions
  • blinds you from seeing all of your choices in life
Some things that fit the above definition:
  • drugs / alcohol
  • blindly following a religion, never questioning anything
  • blind belief in astrology and / or horoscopes
  • misquoted motivational thoughts / misused inspirational quotes
Happy people don't need to escape their reality. Happy people don't ask themselves why the sun is shining, why the birds are singing, why they are healthy, why is the food so delicious, why they have found someone who loves them. Questions like these (almost) never come to mind.

Unhappy people ask a lot of questions like why must it rain today, why didn't they get the promotion, why can they never find someone to be happy with... they need to justify their misery and give it a purpose - if they can, it gives them a false peace of mind. In search for an explanation, they are grasping for straws - instead of saying: "I have learned from this bad experience and I will do better next time!" they say things like: "God is testing me", "God wanted it to happen this way", "The alignment of planets and stars is unfortunate", "Everything happens for a reason", "Destiny wanted this to happen" and so forth. It is never their fault. Someone / something else is making them miserable and there is nothing they can do about it, so they don't even bother...

There is nothing wrong if you believe in existence of things that can't be proved and can't be disproved. Just don't let them dictate your life. You are in control of your life. If you run every day and eat healthy, you will most likely be healthy. If you sit on a couch all day and eat nothing but junk food, you most likely won't be healthy. Either way, it is your own choice, it is not destiny and it is not the will of a divine being and the stars and planets have nothing to do with it.

Don't be angry

You don't have to be angry. Ever. When you are angry at someone, it is like you are drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. People are usually angry when they don't have it their way. If you yourself are responsible for that, don't be angry at yourself. Learn from the mistake. If you are angry because you relied on someone else and they have let you down, you have obviously expected too much from them. Lower your expectations the next time. You should never impose your will on others, never tell others how they should live their lives... you have no right to be angry if someone doesn't behave you want them to. And if someone is trying to tell you how you should live your life and you don't like the idea, you don't have to be angry - ask them to explain their arguments for their requests and keep asking for an explanation until you are satisfied or they don't have a valid argument.

Stop complaining

Don't complain! You complain, don't you?
  • about the weather, the cold, the rain, the heat
  • about the mosquitoes, the flies, the wasps
  • about the job, the boss, the coworkers
  • about the politicians, the government
  • about your back pain, neck pain, head pain
  • about how tired you are, how sleepy you are
  • about the idiots surrounding you, the drivers on the road
  • about not having a girlfriend and not having sex
and sometimes you talk with your friend, who really understands you, and you two complain together about these things and then you feel that your complaining is justified... but in the end you don't actually feel any better... the problems didn't go away... if anything, you feel more miserable.

How do you feel when you see others complaining? Unless you can join them so that you can complain together, feel bonded and your complaining justified... you feel that they are whining and you have no desire to be with them.

See good in everything

Don't criticize, instead of describing something as bad, describe what could be better. Being negative does not solve the problem. Try to offer a solution instead.

Don't put other people down! Always try to elevate everyone, including yourself (just don't brag). When you make people feed good about themselves, they tend to like you.

Don't let everything bother you so much. Especially things you can do nothing about. Things you can't influence. You can say: "I don't give a fuck" when it is raining and you are out jogging. Just don't use this phrase to avoid responsibilities and your goals - things you can influence. Relax, crack a joke.

If you are in a bad situation, don't dwell on it. Try to list as many positive sides to it as you can. If nothing else, could it be used as a lesson for the future? If you a having a bad day / week, try to list every good thing that happened to you that week. It will cheer you up. If it is really bad, you can start with the fact that you are alive, and that is always a good thing!


Smile at people! Smile a lot! This is very important. A smile on your face makes for a great first impression. And nobody gets a second chance at a first impression. Back in the old days strangers greeted each other politely on the street. Nowadays people ignore each other on the street and avoid eye contact. The only exception might be hikers in the mountains. If you go on a hike or take a walk in the park, don't avoid eye contact and greet people politely with a smile on your face. You will feel better. You will get more confident. Someone might even greet you back.

Be happy on your own

You need to be happy on your own. You can't depend on someone else to be happy. It puts a tremendous burden on them and eventually they will get tired of it.

Be excited about everything. If you are not forced to go somewhere and do something (as a part of your school or job, for example) then you chose to be where you are and what you are doing at the moment. So show some passion! When someone shouts from the stage: "Put your hands in the air!", be the one who already had hands in the air and not the person who keeps them down despite the cheering.