Get a Girlfriend - 1: Determined

How determined are you?

On a scale from 1 to 5, how badly do you want to have a girlfriend?
  1. You don't need any human interaction. All you need is an internet connection and a WoW account.
  2. You are perfectly satisfied with anime and manga girls. You have a much deeper connection with them than you could possibly have with any of those real life girls.
  3. You sometimes wish you had a girlfriend, but getting one seems like too much trouble. You are waiting for an arranged marriage / a miracle / for her to fall from the sky.
  4. You have already made some attempts to approach girls and once you almost opened your mouth to say "Hi!" but then you changed your mind as you saw she was getting ready to leave. You are searching for an advice that will get you a girlfriend quickly and without too much work on your part.
  5. You are trying the best you know how, but fail every time.
If your answer is anything other than 5, you can do yourself a favor and stop reading this.


You don't have a girlfriend and what you have tried so far is not working... something has to change... you have to change. Getting (and keeping) a girl is not about reading a few tips on the internet, using them, and forgetting them afterwards. If you could get a girl without changing yourself, you would already have one, right?

You once heard this advice: "You must not change for your partner. Just be yourself." The first part is correct: nobody should ever change just for the sake of the partner. It leads to disaster. The second part is only partially correct: yes, you should be yourself - don't ever pretend to be someone you are not. But that does not mean you should stay as you are, never changing. You need to evolve, constantly, from the moment of birth till your death. When you are born, you start to learn, to better yourself. You learn to walk, to talk, to ride a bike, to read, to write, etc... who says that process should ever stop? You should change, not for your partner, but for your own sake. To do that, you need to be determined. You always need to follow trough with what you start.


You will need determination to change, and a lot of it. It is the key to every other step. What is the most determined you have been in all your life? Were you ever determined to get the best result in class at sports or the best grade? To win a competition? To get the best score in a game? There must have been a time in your life, when you really wanted something very badly and you worked hard to get it. Something frustrated you and you said to yourself: "I will get this done, no matter what. I will not stop trying until I get it." Nothing was going to stop you. You were full of zeal and you were proud of yourself. That is how much resolve and determination you will need.

I hope you keep promises you make to your friends. If you ever find yourself lacking resolve, make a promise - either to your friend or to yourself - and keep that promise. You can also make a bet with your friend. So the next time you will be searching for excuses and reasons why not to do something, hopefully that promise / bet will tip the scale in favor of doing it.


You must not let fear govern your life. Far too many people let fear dictate their lives. For animals, fear is useful, because it keeps them alive. The same was true for people 4000 years ago. Being afraid of fire and wild animals was what kept you alive. Today people fear far too many things. It is still good to be afraid of cars when you cross the road - that fear keeps you alive. Being afraid to look a stranger in the eye and say "Hello!" is not so good. This fear is not here to keep you alive. It stands in the way of your happiness. Next time you are afraid to do something, ask yourself: "If I do this, will anybody get hurt?" and if the answer is "No" then just do it.

When you decide not to do something, you fall into a downward spiral. The experience will reinforce your belief and the next time when you are faced with the same decision, you will decline it even faster. That is why you should always make the attempt - even if you don't succeed, you should feel proud for making the attempt. Practice makes perfect. The next time you will do better and you will begin to climb a rewarding upward spiral. The positive experience will reinforce your courage and each time you will hesitate less before deciding to do it.